The Oz Blog

Saturday, April 12, 2003

MISSING, PRESUMED DEAD
(well, either that or she's been on the bog for 8 hours)

one dangerous blonde hedonist in baggy trousers, wanted for crimes in not answering her mobile phone. suspect is presumed to be unarmed, although is known to carry potentially deadly gases in her colon. should be approached only from the front or side, with extreme caution.

has ANYONE seen holly?

posted by adulescent 1:59 AM

Friday, April 11, 2003

*looks down at the blog below*

Young lady, I leave you alone for a day and you do WHAT?

Noosa kicks butt.

The end.

posted by adulescent 12:24 AM

Monday, April 07, 2003

'...I have discovered hell, not fire and brimstone but a fucking tomato field.'

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to hell.

Hell is a redneck town in the middle of bumfuck where people fuck their cousins and the locals make rum. Although real hell is far worse as i discovered today. Holly and i had the quaint idea of fruit picking whilst we were in australia. 'Plenty of sun! Outdoors! Good exercise!' we thought, just what we needed after recent benders that could result in days of abuse. Well, let me tell you, IT'S ALL A FUCKING LIE! You end up waking up when it's still NIGHT and you're more than likely to still be drunk/stoned and therefore confused as to WHY you're up so early.

Anyway, the fat receptionist redneck shouts a shitload at you when you're STILL trying to figure out what's going on (who am i? where are we? what are you doing to me? etc etc) so they drive you out into the middle of bumfuck, where there are only fields. Millions of them. Just rows upon rows of crop. They dump you in a field, tell you to pick tomatoes with 'colour' in them, hand you a bucket and off you go. Barefoot. In the mud. All before you've even had time to taste your breakfast which was really more of a midnight snack.

The moral of this story kids, don't pick tomatoes.

I'm getting the hell out of this town.

posted by adulescent 5:33 PM